Many of you do not have the big big love for anger. (Digression: Did you hear that the Pixies are getting back together? I heard that they are. Who wants to go?)
I am not one of these people. I am, in fact, anger's biggest fan. Oh, no, you say. Jennie! Don't be angry. It's so unattractive. It's so bad for you. You'll get high blood pressure. No one will invite you to their parties.
Well fuck you. I am gorgeous in a high irish. Everyone invites me to their parties. They all want to have sex with me when I'm angry, that's how hot I am -- all of them, gay men, straight women, everybody.
In addition to making me absolutely beautiful, my anger has made me strong. I can lift you right up, just like the Incredible Hulk. I can smash through walls like Mr. Kool-Aid. I am only five foot two, but I have the proportionate strength of an ant. Find me a giant piece of corn. I will carry it over my head.
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Anger should be officially recognized as a religion. Spend at least a couple minutes a day in an absolute fury, just as some people spend it on their knees facing north or whatever.
ReplyDeleteWorldwide donations could be used to cover damages caused by a fit of rage, like broken telephones or broken hands or broken friendships.
And our Pope could be Ben Stiller from Mystery Men ... Every time we see him in another self-deprecating comedy role we could use it as an excuse to, like, totally flip out. Like a ninja. But better, because we're a religion now.