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I have returned and I have a tan. True story! OK, so it mostly just looks like my freckles have grown together, but I'm still enjoying it. I also managed to avoid burning, except for a bit of pink on my stomach, but that's because it hadn't seen daylight since I collected unicorn stickers and wore a single ponytail above my right ear. (Last year, in other words.)

Tons of stuff to tell you, but in short, I think we should all move to Italy immediately. It's ridiculously beautiful in a way that I assumed had been added to films about Italy in post-production. But no: It's real.

Also, you should know that I returned to my home with a suitcase full of wine. Raise your hand if you think I have a problem.