Realization

I was dragging the trash out to the curb this evening, when a woman walked by and gave me a funny look. This, I realized, was due to the fact that I was wearing my Mom's old scrub pants, a bleach-stained t-shirt, and slippers. Also, my hair was standing up like Don King's.

I swear, some days the only difference between me and my neighborhood homeless guy is that I still have all my teeth.

The Wrong Signals

Tonight, Coworker Dennis and I went out to a gay bar to be gay. At one point, I left him to guard our vodka-and-cranberries, and went out to take a phone call. On the smoking patio, I met the one straight dude in the place. Also? He was homeless. Also? He introduced himself to me by trying to kiss my neck.

Dubya. Tee. Eff. I could so clean up with the mentally unstable.