Hard to Believe I'm Single

me: roooooooosss
rooooo
kangaroossss
roooons
Ross: you out to get me?
invisibly?
hi there
me: rooooo
i had to go invisible
i'm being stalked. not in a fun way
not with the great charm with which i'm stalking you
Ross: oh damn. you got t o make the joke before i did.
he's still sticking to it huh?
me: he is indeed
Ross: sure is a go-getter that one
me: ps: if you can't make in on thursday, the first floral arrangement i send will be one of those giant rose horseshoes they give to the winners of the kentucky derby
Ross: you're a real pain in the ass you know htat?
lucky you're cute
me: i've been coasting on that shit for years
Ross: i'll bet
me: the next arrangement will be a discrete bunch of birds of paradise
a lovely flower, fluorescent in hue
only four feet tall
you can put them on your dining room table
Ross: lovely
lovely lovely
me: and then maybe a venus fly trap
Ross: will they give me more energy than i presently have?
me: i could pinch you
that might help
or maybe i could tickle you
but that might just make you pee
or you could come have red bulls and vodka with me TONIGHT and that would both wake you up and absolve you of thursday
Ross: i would, but lo, i've a meeting at 7. :(
and also, ummm...
vodka and Red Bull?
hanging out at fashion week to much if you ask mee...
;)
me: and THAT is why no one asked you
ok, thursday it is
don't push me
i'm on medication
i can find arrangements with teddy bears
ones that say I WUV YOU
those, of course, i'll send to your office

Fashion Week, Go!

O hai! I maded you a fashion week, but I eated it.

Lame, Lame, Know Your Name

Fashion Week is over and I had all kinds of fabulous plans this weekend, none of which came to fruition, because I am lazy. I have not budged from my apartment all weekend, unless you count a toilet paper run and a trip to 'bucks for overpriced coffee treats. Which I don't, cuz, come on. What kind of a weekend is that?

Oh, I also bought some books. I'm reading one about premature burial right now. It's called, as you might guess, Buried Alive and it is scaring the crap out of me. I never really thought to worry about being buried alive, but now I'm pretty sure the only sound burial plan is to be left atop a tower of silence to be picked clean by carrion birds. Either that, or decapitated. So that's mostly what I've been thinking of this weekend.

I've also been thinking about how I've inadvertently become bulimic. Some weeks ago, I got the Norovirus, and ever since, I do my sea cucumber imitation every time I have spicy food, more than one cup of coffee, or any alcohol at all. It sucks and is a little scary, so I emailed my doctor to ask for DRUGS.

"SEND ME DRUGS," I emailed her. I should just make a macro at this point. How long til she scrawls "drug-seeking behavior" at the top of my chart and tells me to fuck off? Are there other folks out there who spend this much time and energy trying to scoring Nexium?

Fashion Week Is Here Again

Hello, my pals. It's time once again for me to view the clothes you will be wearing months and months from now, and write about them on Ye Olde About.com: http://www.about.com/fashionweek.htm.

There should be a new picture going up soon that makes me look less like the Joker. That's the rumor, anyway.

Please enjoy. (The blog and the non-Joker photo.)

Fashion Week Is Here Again

Once again, I am blogging my little heart out for Fashion Week. I am very tired. Here's how tired: Earlier today, I called Max Azria "Hank Azaria." Fortunately, not to his face. Get serious. I'm in Standing Room.

Anyway, here's the link for your enjoyment and mockery.

Fashion Week Rolls Round Again

Hello, my pals. It's the most wonderful time of the year once again. Please direct your attention and your browsers to About.com's coverage of New York Fashion Week. I am blogging it, and I am desperate for your love and approval.