Me: (Over the phone) Can I have a #30 please? And a Diet Coke? I'm at-
Waitress: Is this Jen?
Me: Uh. Yeah.
Waitress: MISS JEN! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
Me: Oh, I was, uh, in California...
Waitress: For what? A couple of weeks?
Me: ...yes.
Waitress: Don't worry. The gentleman knows where you are. He'll be so excited!
Me: Great!
I need to start cooking.
Showing posts with label sloth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sloth. Show all posts
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Reader Participation
What should the word "lurp" mean? This question has a purpose. I can't promise that my limited attention span will enable me to reveal that purpose, however.
I am recovering from my 47th cold of the winter, by the way. The first year I lived in New York, I was sick all the time just like this. That was because I wasn't used to riding in the mobile petri dish that is the subway, and because my office was a big open area where everyone sneezed on each other all day. (For fun.)
Now, however, I suspect I'm sick because I've been traveling, so I can't really complain. Traveling is fun! Honestly, having a cold isn't so bad either. I secretly (OK, openly) enjoy having a slight cold, because it gives me an excuse to lie around my house and relax. The rest of the time, I have to wait until I have a hangover.
I am recovering from my 47th cold of the winter, by the way. The first year I lived in New York, I was sick all the time just like this. That was because I wasn't used to riding in the mobile petri dish that is the subway, and because my office was a big open area where everyone sneezed on each other all day. (For fun.)
Now, however, I suspect I'm sick because I've been traveling, so I can't really complain. Traveling is fun! Honestly, having a cold isn't so bad either. I secretly (OK, openly) enjoy having a slight cold, because it gives me an excuse to lie around my house and relax. The rest of the time, I have to wait until I have a hangover.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Lame, Lame, Know Your Name
Fashion Week is over and I had all kinds of fabulous plans this weekend, none of which came to fruition, because I am lazy. I have not budged from my apartment all weekend, unless you count a toilet paper run and a trip to 'bucks for overpriced coffee treats. Which I don't, cuz, come on. What kind of a weekend is that?
Oh, I also bought some books. I'm reading one about premature burial right now. It's called, as you might guess, Buried Alive and it is scaring the crap out of me. I never really thought to worry about being buried alive, but now I'm pretty sure the only sound burial plan is to be left atop a tower of silence to be picked clean by carrion birds. Either that, or decapitated. So that's mostly what I've been thinking of this weekend.
I've also been thinking about how I've inadvertently become bulimic. Some weeks ago, I got the Norovirus, and ever since, I do my sea cucumber imitation every time I have spicy food, more than one cup of coffee, or any alcohol at all. It sucks and is a little scary, so I emailed my doctor to ask for DRUGS.
"SEND ME DRUGS," I emailed her. I should just make a macro at this point. How long til she scrawls "drug-seeking behavior" at the top of my chart and tells me to fuck off? Are there other folks out there who spend this much time and energy trying to scoring Nexium?
Oh, I also bought some books. I'm reading one about premature burial right now. It's called, as you might guess, Buried Alive and it is scaring the crap out of me. I never really thought to worry about being buried alive, but now I'm pretty sure the only sound burial plan is to be left atop a tower of silence to be picked clean by carrion birds. Either that, or decapitated. So that's mostly what I've been thinking of this weekend.
I've also been thinking about how I've inadvertently become bulimic. Some weeks ago, I got the Norovirus, and ever since, I do my sea cucumber imitation every time I have spicy food, more than one cup of coffee, or any alcohol at all. It sucks and is a little scary, so I emailed my doctor to ask for DRUGS.
"SEND ME DRUGS," I emailed her. I should just make a macro at this point. How long til she scrawls "drug-seeking behavior" at the top of my chart and tells me to fuck off? Are there other folks out there who spend this much time and energy trying to scoring Nexium?
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Lazy Sunday
The upstairs neighbors are vacuuming. I think they should come down here and scrub out my bathtub, since they're feeling so energetic. It's unlikely it will get done otherwise.
I am in the midst of the laziest weekend I've had for some time. The last few weekends, I was either away or I had house guests, and next weekend I'm at Fashion Week, so now's my chance to indulge in sloth. Here's how slothful: I took a shower, finally, an hour ago, put on fresh pjs and my red sleeping suit, which is basically a blanket with foot and hand holes cut out, and I am now back on my couch.
I plan to drink tea and watch Most Evil all afternoon. (Since we know that I don't watch anything that doesn't feature ghosts, serial killers, or Tim Gunn. Poor Tim Gunn. I'm not sure what he did to deserve such company.)
I am in the midst of the laziest weekend I've had for some time. The last few weekends, I was either away or I had house guests, and next weekend I'm at Fashion Week, so now's my chance to indulge in sloth. Here's how slothful: I took a shower, finally, an hour ago, put on fresh pjs and my red sleeping suit, which is basically a blanket with foot and hand holes cut out, and I am now back on my couch.
I plan to drink tea and watch Most Evil all afternoon. (Since we know that I don't watch anything that doesn't feature ghosts, serial killers, or Tim Gunn. Poor Tim Gunn. I'm not sure what he did to deserve such company.)
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