Happy birthday to me

Guess what, everyone? Tomorrow's my BIRTHDAY. That's right: my BIRTHDAY. And while it's true that this fact means that I'll be another year older, I refuse to let it get me down. Because I love my birthday more than any other person has ever loved their birthday, ever. I'm convinced.



I have a lot of theories about why this is. One is that I have narcissistic personality disorder, and therefore love anything associated with my pretty pretty self. This theory also explains why I love pictures of me, despite the fact that I'm terribly unphotogenic. ("Oh, God, that's a terrible picture of me. Do you have any more pictures of me? Oh, Jeebus, this one's worse than the last. Let me look at it again.")



Another theory is that I was terribly overindulged on my birthday as a child, and am now perpetuating the pattern as an adult. Hubley children get a birthday week with at least four parties: one for each set of grandparents, one with your folks, and one with the bratty little kids in the neighborhood. By the end of the week, you pretty much need insulin shots to process all the cake. It's more like a birth festival than a birthday.



As an adult, I generally throw a lot of time and effort into planning my birthday parties. Last year, for example, I had a pub crawl in JP, starting at the Behan with a few beers, progressing to Costello's for (I swear this is what the drinks are called) Redheaded Sluts, and winding up at the Jeannie Johnston, where I was so drunk I couldn't drink anymore, but did anyway, and wound up singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friends", badly, at karaoke.



This year, my friend Laura is throwing me a party at her place in Southie, and I'm already frightened. She keeps calling me up to ask me things like, "Do you know where I can get some of that indoor-outdoor carpeting that looks like grass?" and "Do you think if I get a keg for the party, and a half-keg for the after-party, plus a redonkulous amount of hard alcohol, that we'll have enough?" If she calls asking where she can rent farm animals or something, you're all going to have to celebrate without me. I may not have many rules, but I've got plenty of guidelines.



Anyway, did you hear? It's my BIRTHDAY.