But the problem with cats is that they don't live as long as humans, and so if you get attached, which you will, you're bound to have to deal with a serious illness sooner or later ... by which I mean, sooner.
My friend Megadeth's cat Phaedrus has lymphoma. She's treating him with hippie medicines and steroids, and he seems pretty happy, but it's still sad to see him slowing down. This is a cat that used to look at visitors adoringly and then take a chunk out of their eyebrows.
Anyway, I got to see him over Thanksgiving, since he and MegaD live in Boston, and I did what any overcompensating aunty does: I bought him an embarrassing amount of treats. (Including catnip. Good aunties bring drugs.)
Below, you can see Himself and his new Evil Santa Hamster, which I purchased for him. We put some catnip under his hat, to inspire Phaedrus to chase him. Megadeth reports that it's working.
auntie Jennie, you remember it all wrong!
ReplyDelete"I" didn't mess up your eyebrow...you fell down, drunky - at Lucky's - remember? I was just petting your wound adoringly, with my little black paw - to soothe you and make you feel better before you got stitched up at the scary doctor's office.
Thank you for Santa Hamster. I love him and the catnip too. The fish flakes are very fishy.
xophaedrusthecat
Christ, you get dumped by some cat dude and we still have to hear these shmaltzy cat stories? Oi vey, get a hamster before I brekhn on my gatkes.
ReplyDeleteHey, Anonymous! Why don't you get a heart already? This cat is DYING here. And I'd like to know why you think it's acceptable to put someone down for both a breakup and an attachment to a pet at the same time. Merry Fuckin' Christmas. Douche.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that was insensitive of me. Happy Fuckin' Hannukah too, or Kwanza, or Self-Righteous-Commentors-Who- Deserve-To-Be-Kicked Day, or whatever holiday it is you celebrate. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteJeez, you're right. Do you want your money back? By my calculations, that means you owe me one-one thousandth of a cent, to cover my hosting fees.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, the Internets were invented for stupid cat stories, as well as porn.
Cats are awesome.
ReplyDeleteBoys are stupid.
Jennie Smash can write about whatever she wants, which is why it's called Jennie Smash! and not Anonymous Prick!
My beloved feline friend probably has another 4-5 years left before he heads to the big litterbox in the sky, and it will be a tough day. But I'm glad to have had him as long as I have, and that'll make it all worth it.
ReplyDeletewait.... you have a friend named Megadeath????
ReplyDeleteHold on there Jennie, they are allowed to put other things on the net besides porn? lousy government!! Where's Al Gore, he invented the damn thing, i hold him personally responsible.
ReplyDeletehahahaha, these comments are making me laugh so hard, I just wanted to share!! poor kitty, but it's a good thing there's a good Auntie like you in his life!
ReplyDeleteI love my auntie Jennie. Actually, I love everybody! ...Except anonymous - he's mean. I cough hairballs on him and stick my ass in his face. Tee hee!
ReplyDeleteKitties are the best.
ReplyDelete--Turbo Tabby, IAP's mischievous cat
I miss all the fun. =(
ReplyDeleteOh and thanks for reminding me of all the horror that my wittle Buffy shall someday cause me! Here I thought scratched up hands were the worst of it.
ReplyDelete