I went back to the gym today, after two weeks of being too busy and/or sick to go, and I was alarmed to discover that sometime during my hiatus, I became one of the naked people.
If you go to a gym, you know these people. They parade around the locker room, from the showers to the scale to the lockers, wearing nothing but their landing strip. I used to scorn these people, assuming that they were either hideously vain or possessed of such horribly low self-esteem that they wanted all of us to suffer their nudity along with them.
Many of them had weird habits, too. Horowitz once told me about a woman at her gym who used to blow-dry her ass. She'd stand before the mirrors, buck nekkid, and blow dry her hair. And then, when she was done, she'd bend over, spread 'em, and blow dry her hiney. Why? I dunno. All I know is that Horowitz starting bringing her own hair dryer.
I'm not that far gone, but I did find myself wandering around the locker room naked this afternoon. I was over at my locker and realized I needed a plastic bag to put my gym clothes in. So I padded across the room to the mirrors and grabbed one.
I realize that this might not sound all that strange to many people. To those people all I can say is: Keep your creepy hippie nudist lifestyle to yourself! When I start wandering around sans pants in semi-public places, you know it's time for me to start getting a bit more sleep.
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Those people always loiter naked in front of my locker at the gym, with their butts to me. Sometimes they're naked except for their headphones, so they can't hear me say, "Excuse me." And I never know where to tap to get them to move.
ReplyDeleteI am the exact opposite. I will loudly say to no one and everyone "Oh, I have to go to the restroom!" and then I will quickly change in a bathroom stall so no one can stare at my jiggly bits. You will never be able to convince me that they are NOT staring at them. They are. Everyone is. And they're laughing.
ReplyDeleteYou're a good writier and all, but I'm not sure this story makes any sense without some type of accompanying photographs.
ReplyDelete"wearing nothing but their landing strip"
ReplyDeleteWhat no pictures? You got me all excited..then what a let down :(
You are all bad! Bad!
ReplyDeleteMaybe that lady had a particularly hairy ass?
ReplyDeleteIt always amuses me that the old people are always the nakedest. I think old people would walk around the streets naked if you let them.
That's because old people have no shame left. They don't give a crap what anyone else thinks anymore. I, for one, can't wait for that freedom.
ReplyDeleteBut I hope I still have enough modesty to cover up in the locker room.
It doesn't really bother me if other women want to walk around naked in the locker room, they don't have anything I haven't seen before. But I myself am not comfortable with walking around naked, although I did have to on one occasion because the locker room had those group showers with no stalls and nowhere to hang a towel, so I had to grin and bare it.
ReplyDeleteI think the reason that a lot of the old women are comfortable walking around nude is that they all had to take showers in those open group showers in gym class in school. Whereas most of us under 40 years old didn't have to when we were in school. The ones who had to must have gotten used to being naked in locker rooms, I guess?
Although you'd be surprised at how many young women seem to love to strut around nude in the locker room at my gym!
Lisa