So, here I am whiling away my morning, waiting for the plumbers. My sink has decided that it's a fountain, and is spewing crap everywhere and generally behaving badly. Also, there's a horrible smell, and I've spent all morning trying to figure out the worst possible explanation for it.
1) Cheese build up, similar to what's probably going on in my arteries.
2) Sink schmutz, which, if you've ever worked in food service, you know is the vilest and most toxic substance known to man.
3) Rat. Dead rat.
4) Pipe rot, or similar. Something that would require me not to use my kitchen for a month, which would give me an excuse to continue not cooking. (Hey! That rules!)
5) Severed fingers of previous tenant, preserved zombie-style in the elbow of the drain, just waiting to creep out under cover of darkness and pinch my nose shut while I'm sleeping.
Probably it's cheese, though. That seems a safe bet.