Me: OMG.
Anonymous Friend: I know. Heath Ledger is dead.
Me: No - dude, I found the apartment he died in.
A. Friend: What?
Me: Utilizing the power of the Internets. See?
A. Friend: WHOA.
Me: It must be right up there. Fifth floor. This is so freaky and sad.
A. Friend: I dare you to call up and ask if there are any apartments available.
Seinfeld didn't seem funny to me until I moved to New York, either. This kind of whistling past the graveyard only really works in a big mean city.
For reals, though, what a sad thing. The latest seems to be that the pills they found with the body were OTC sleep meds.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Shirts for the Fat
There's a Bowflex commercial playing now that wins my vote for the most hilariously offensive commercial since Subway promised me I'd lose my boyfriend if I ate fast food. The commercial features the usual steroid cases flexing and lifting and showing off their baby-oiled pecs. And then this guy tells us that, thanks to Bowflex, he's found a better use for his old clothes:
"I gave my old fat clothes to my fat friends!"
What a guy! One might rightfully wish bad things to happen to such a "friend." For example, a fixation with those diet supplements that make you poop oil slicks.
"I gave my old fat clothes to my fat friends!"
What a guy! One might rightfully wish bad things to happen to such a "friend." For example, a fixation with those diet supplements that make you poop oil slicks.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Totes Possible That I Am Going to Live
After sleeping much of the past two days, I am pleased to announce that I'm going to survive this cold. This is very exciting, because yesterday, when I couldn't even really haul my laundry down the stairs, I was not at all sure.
I would like to say that I think it's unfair that a person who spends as much money on vitamins and hand sanitizer as I do should ever get sick. It seems like all that crap should be Sick Insurance of a sort. But apparently no.
I would like to say that I think it's unfair that a person who spends as much money on vitamins and hand sanitizer as I do should ever get sick. It seems like all that crap should be Sick Insurance of a sort. But apparently no.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Big News
I'm going to be an auntie!
Mrs. Piddlington is expecting a Pidlet sometime in July. We're hoping it's a Cancer and not a Leo, as she's a Scorpio and Mr. P is a Sagg and that's just a whole lot of people who aren't willing to listen to reason. I'm only a little bit kidding. She lives in San Francisco, but I have no excuse.
I am way ridiculously excited about this. I put her sonogram up over my computer at work. It's a very cute baby and I plan to fill it full of candy and shake it upside down at every opportunity. Then I will give it back and race off laughing.
Mrs. Piddlington is expecting a Pidlet sometime in July. We're hoping it's a Cancer and not a Leo, as she's a Scorpio and Mr. P is a Sagg and that's just a whole lot of people who aren't willing to listen to reason. I'm only a little bit kidding. She lives in San Francisco, but I have no excuse.
I am way ridiculously excited about this. I put her sonogram up over my computer at work. It's a very cute baby and I plan to fill it full of candy and shake it upside down at every opportunity. Then I will give it back and race off laughing.
Not an Original Observation, But...
...if birth control pills gave 80-year-old men erections, they would be distributed for free at every clinic, doctor's office, and pharmacy across this great nation of ours. Instead, I just had to pay fifty goddamn American dollars (or 11 Euros) for my baby-go-ways, because my health insurance hates vag.
Or something like that. There was some fine print and I wasn't feeling up to arguing. Which is how they get you.
Or something like that. There was some fine print and I wasn't feeling up to arguing. Which is how they get you.
OMG, So Sick
This weekend I went on a trip to Vermont, and because such a thing is apparently not allowed, I got the worst cold I have ever had. Really: It's the worst one.
Symptoms of said cold:
1) Exhaustion, such that I had to pause whilst walking up the one flight of stairs to my apartment.
2) Sinus pain, pressure, and swelling, such that my glasses seemed to be floating over my face a wee cushion of distended nose-bridge.
3) Nose-runniness, such that I might as well cram a whole dang box of Puffs Plus up there and have done with it.
But mostly, I just feel gross. I've spent most of the day sleeping and the rest of the day complaining. The worst part is that I fought this bastard off for about a week before caving, leading me to believe that an extra vitamin C tablet at the right time might have spared me this.
Erg, blerg, back to bed.
Symptoms of said cold:
1) Exhaustion, such that I had to pause whilst walking up the one flight of stairs to my apartment.
2) Sinus pain, pressure, and swelling, such that my glasses seemed to be floating over my face a wee cushion of distended nose-bridge.
3) Nose-runniness, such that I might as well cram a whole dang box of Puffs Plus up there and have done with it.
But mostly, I just feel gross. I've spent most of the day sleeping and the rest of the day complaining. The worst part is that I fought this bastard off for about a week before caving, leading me to believe that an extra vitamin C tablet at the right time might have spared me this.
Erg, blerg, back to bed.
Monday, January 7, 2008
The New Hottness on Ice
I went ice skating tonight for the first time in ... uh, I dunno how long. I think the last time I went, I had to stick a pillow in the butt of my snowpants to protect my tailbone. In fact, I should still do that, but now I am vain. Anyway, it's been awhile.
I bought myself ice skates because I decided that I want to start getting some exercise outdoors. A day after they arrived, it became unseasonably warm in NYC, which seems like it would be a problem, but actually isn't: The ice only melts a little in the outdoor rinks, for whatever scary chemical reason, and you can skate in a sweater and feel very sportive indeed.
I skated for an hour at Bryant Park tonight and every muscle in my body hurts. That was unexpected. I remembered that my ankles would hurt. My shoulders were a surprise though. I think it's because I wave my arms around in a protective manner. Also, my voice is hoarse from yelling, "Watch out! Ahhh! Be careful!" Etc.
One thing that hasn't changed: Creepy dudes still hang out at the rink trying to pick up girls. One guy tried to talk to me THREE TIMES. The third time, he said, "I don't know what I'm doing right, but I've lapped you!"
Ew. I know. I can't even.
Anyway, here's a tip if you do go skating this winter: Steer clear of the people with wet asses. They have fallen down and will do so again, most likely once they're right in front of you.
You're welcome.
I bought myself ice skates because I decided that I want to start getting some exercise outdoors. A day after they arrived, it became unseasonably warm in NYC, which seems like it would be a problem, but actually isn't: The ice only melts a little in the outdoor rinks, for whatever scary chemical reason, and you can skate in a sweater and feel very sportive indeed.
I skated for an hour at Bryant Park tonight and every muscle in my body hurts. That was unexpected. I remembered that my ankles would hurt. My shoulders were a surprise though. I think it's because I wave my arms around in a protective manner. Also, my voice is hoarse from yelling, "Watch out! Ahhh! Be careful!" Etc.
One thing that hasn't changed: Creepy dudes still hang out at the rink trying to pick up girls. One guy tried to talk to me THREE TIMES. The third time, he said, "I don't know what I'm doing right, but I've lapped you!"
Ew. I know. I can't even.
Anyway, here's a tip if you do go skating this winter: Steer clear of the people with wet asses. They have fallen down and will do so again, most likely once they're right in front of you.
You're welcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
