Me: I have a pain right here.
Ma Smash: Way high up there?
Me: Yeah.
Ma Smash: That's your liver.
Me: (Panicked.) What?
Ma Smash: Your liver.
Me: Omigod. Do you think I damaged it?
Ma Smash: I think that if you've been having lots of drinks, it's possible that your liver could be sore.
Me: Ahhhh!
Ma Smash: And word to the wise? You only have one liver. Two kidneys. One liver.
Me: Why are you being so scary?
Ma Smash: I'm scaring you straight.
Me: You know me. I won't stop drinking. I'll just worry about my liver while I'm drinking.
Ma Smash: Well, then...
Me: It feels like a stitch in my side.
Ma Smash: Maybe it's a stitch in your side.
Me: It's probably hepatitis.
Ma Smash: Oh my God! You're probably right.
Me: Wouldn't I be yellow, though?
Ma Smash: I bet it's Albino Hepatitis. You know: Your liver fails, but you stay white.
Me: You're such a jerk.
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Your mom is five kinds of awesome, all wrapped into one.
ReplyDeleteIf it's the upper right abdomen, I wouldn't sweat it ... A stitch in your side is usually just a cramp in your diaphragm, caused because there are several kilograms of organs that are hanging by just a few ligaments and you're shouting or breathing heavily because of the excitement or to be heard above the music.
ReplyDeleteBut I just have one question... How do you avoid posting while drunk?
That's my biggest problem ... getting drunk and spreading my opinion like AIDS on Africans ...
Do you password protect your blog posts or something?
Jayman, how much do I love that you linked to the Vagina Monologues in your comment? Rock.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, the answer to the not-posting-while-drunk problem is to stay out until you're unable to type. That takes care of that problem right there.
You should edit or delete my post, Smash-master.
ReplyDeleteI'm insensitive, but even I have limits. It sounded funny in my head... I can't excuse it but to say that I need to stay out longer next time. :p