It's not that I believe in astrology. It's just that I can't really plan my month until my horoscope goes up.
Fortunately, I have friends who share my looney fascination:
Donut: Where? I see nothing.
Me: I know. I'm complaining. No 'scopes! What am I to do?
(Five hours later.)
Donut: That lazy whore.
Me: I know. It's tragic.
(Three hours later.)
Me: Susan Miller and I are breaking up.
Donut: BITCH BETTER POST SOON.
I'm glad I'm not a public person.