On the train yesterday, Mizza informed me that the city is apparently infested with bedbugs once again. This happens from time to time, I guess. I've gotten used to "water bugs" in my tub when I get home from a long break, but I really cannot handle this.
"If you get them," Mizza said. "I recommend the following: Leave your apartment with the clothes on your back, which you will promptly have deloused, and perhaps burned. Abandon your lease and all your belongings and start over in a new city. Also: You've scratched your nose three times while we've been talking, and if there's something you'd like to tell me, you can do it from across the aisle."
I am dead serious, folks. If the bedbugs find me, there won't be enough SSRIs on the planet to stop the screaming.
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Ew ew ew.
ReplyDeleteHurricane season is over. You can come and stay with me in Miami.
ReplyDeleteMiami! Man, that's starting to sound pretty sweet. It's gonna get cold up here soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat'syour address?
That is not bad advice. I wanted to take a flamethrower to my apartment many times.
ReplyDeleteExcerpt from that link: "There is just one thing that separates you from God. That one thing is sin."
ReplyDeleteIs that really the only thing that separates me from God? Cuz I feel like there's probably a lot more. I mean, for reals, it would be kind of conceited of me to run around being all, "You know, if it weren't for this pesky sin, I would be exactly like God. I mean, we're practically the same person."
...separates, not distinguishes!
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that distinguishes you from God is, of course, your hair type.
See you in hell, Curly.
looks like you'd have your own room in Miami, which is a plus.
ReplyDeleteeww, that's all i have to say... Miami does sound pretty sweet
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the variety of insects that infest Florida? Winter may suck, but if it prevents us from having that kind of shit, I'm all for it.
ReplyDeleted'oh ... stupid forgot to click "other" instead of blogger ...
ReplyDeleteno ... stupid did click other but it didn't work anyway .... oh well, i guess my gallery of hideous florida natives will have to remain in your imagination.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, jayman, I've lived in Florida (yes I know, soon I'll be regaling you with tales of my life with the Maharishi of India) and NYC's trend-setting parasite problem (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/27/
ReplyDeletenyregion/27bugs.html) seems worse in comparison with plantain/love/whatever bugs you tried to link to. Waking up in the middle of the night to discover that the walls are papered with large roaches doesn't seem as bad as waking up to sheets peppered with (sorry, couldn't resist the consonance) streaks of your own blood. Coming soon to set of box springs near you (woo-hoo!).
If the bedbugs start talking to the roaches about the advantages of an all-blood diet I'll feel differently.
Yeah, getting eaten in your sleep is probably worse than anything you might see on the sidewalk. (Or the windows, or even on your arm...)
ReplyDeleteAs to my link, it was nothing less than the entire menagerie of hideous things waiting for fresh victims in Florida. I suggest a northern migration if fleeing the 8th plague becomes necessary.