Oh my God, you guys, I feel elderly. Everyone must stop having shows and things immediately. Also, they must provide me with a vacation home in which to recuperate. Or perhaps -- this is my favorite idea -- I will be hospitalized for "exhaustion." Do you think those hospitals issue you silk nighties in which to lounge? It seems like they should.
Meanwhile, because I know you're all fascinated with my menstrual cycle and cannot rest until you get the update -- "Where is she? Is it Aunt Flo time? Mid-month? How crazy is crazy? How seriously should we take any of her bullshit anyway?" -- I have the worst case of PMS and am now so looney that I've decided that I am probably going to die of liver failure before the week is out. This is because I pulled a muscle doing sit-ups, and now I have a twinge in my side. It might be the side my liver is on. I don't know anatomy.
I was explaining about my liver to a couple friends the other night, appropriately enough over drinks and one of them said, as if just at the moment having the realization, "Oh my God. You actually are crazy, aren't you?"
Duh.
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ReplyDeleteyou are crazy
in a world where people have to do situps
in a city where there are so many people that there is another person, awake, within 40 ft. of your big toe at all times, 24/7
in a country where a president gets impeached for lying about a blow job, but another goes scot free for telling lies that results in 2000 of our finest being killed to protect people who believe a god told them to hate us
in a country that tolerates an oil cartel to crush the economy for the sake of one quarter's super profits
in a world where stopping to appreciate a sunset will get you plowed down and off the sidewalk into the gutter
in a world where ....
welllll.... you have to be crazy to stand it.
do not give in to the tempation to become sane.
that's just crazy.
It's not hepatitis. I promise.
ReplyDeleteHa! You still have a liver. Dontcha know? Livers are for loooosers.
ReplyDeleteDoes the liver have nerve cells?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anonymous: you are probably one of the most sane people I know, it's the world that's crazy!! Also, your liver is on the right, the upper right. And even though it doesn't have nerves it hurts other things when it gets swollen. Which yours is NOT!!! Love, Ma Smash
ReplyDeleteGeez, Anon, that was such a Debbie Downer.
ReplyDeletewell i always knew you were crazy but then again so am I so it's just fine.
ReplyDeleteliver schmiver.
Silk? No ... the gowns are more like cotton/rayon blend and everyone can see your bum.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the little cups they give you your meds in are quite cute.
Do you have to drink? People say and do such stupid things when they drink.
ReplyDeleteMy goal in life is to be hospitalized for exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteAh, but anonymous#3, don't you know that alcohol provides the path to wisdom? "Whiskey don't make liars it just makes fools so I...didn't mean to say, but I meant what I said." Jennie is simply imbibing her way to a higher plane of existence. Any dedicated Buddhist would be jealous. Given that she's obviously got a lot of things she wouldn't otherwise be able to say it could take a while.
ReplyDeleteThe liver's on the right side, your right side. I don't know if your liver's undergoing some kind of revolution or not, but if your left side hurts, I'd say not.
ReplyDeletekristen